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One stereotype that is loaded around older queer men are predatory behaviors. I know they can be a headache and can play with my value systems, but they can still be a great avenue for hooking up and finding love.
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Sure, one-night stands are still fun, but nothing is better than a consistent sex partner, even if it’s not a monogamous connection. While I am more discerning about who I have sex with, I know that the sex I require needs to be more qualitative than quantitative. Aging is the factor, but that is also why it is imperative at this age to have a great physician. I am also aware that my testosterone levels are decreasing as this is being read. I remember when one round was enough now a good three or four are needed to satiate me. To be frank, my sex drive has been through the roof. I have not become disinterested in sex or lost my sex drive. The HIV/AIDS epidemic coupled with hookup culture has made all these experiences a reality for me. Any appearance of unhealthiness can be unsettling for people my age, regardless of how natural the process becomes. Ageism is a large problem in general, and when I experience those feelings, I do not internalize them. My relationship with my gym body and maintaining it can seem like an uphill battle. Other facets are that as I age, my body does not bounce back as much as I would like. Many of the triggers I have faced stem from HIV/AIDS stigma and desirability politics those can be around youthfulness and many queer men believing that once you hit 30, life is over. Dexterity could be as simple my ability to put my thighs to my chest or if my sphincter still has a grip. When you date or have sex over 40, you face many stereotypes from partners about longevity in the bedroom and physical dexterity. It doesn’t exist because I know it doesn’t exist in me. Desiring things like perfection has kept me a single waystation. A key component of the journey is staying humble with an open mind. I adore those same qualities in men, and also other qualities like thoughtfulness, sincerity, honesty, and communication. Those two major opportunities are important, and I have found the direct approach and being present are also appreciated. The relationship taught me what not to do-especially in moments involving communication and finances. I had a relationship that took up the bulk of my 30s. Things like playing phone tag or standing up dates are completely off the table. The delay in marriage quality is a factor in why many of us are getting married so much later in life-and it is beautiful to see.ĭating at this stage of life caused me to cut out all the caterwauling and mediocre game-playing. Also, I still haven’t given up on the idea of marriage and a family. When desiring love, I have been craving someone who is emotionally intelligent, communicative, financially literate, and sexually explosive. The space of my 40s romantically has been a laugh-riot on most days and a stressful hell on others. However, my proverbial hindsight started to meet my foresight more quickly, which has saved me much heartbreak. I have become more self-aware, gained a little weight, fixed my credit, and found the importance of therapy, but all those things don’t happen at the same pace.
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My 40s is where I have reaped the benefits, and I now have peace of mind. After the mistakes of my 20s, I used my 30s to reconcile many mistakes and heartaches.